If we could recognize that what we say to our children and how we say it to them is equally important then maybe we can make a larger dent in building their self-esteem. Rhonda Mitchell

Clearly not everyone will discipline his or her child in the same way when faced with the same issue. What some may deem as strict disciplinary actions others may call child abuse. Most Caribbean folks thirty and older I would venture to say have had the rod lashed their behinds at sometime in their lives. Here in the US- beating, spanking or hitting a child could get a person arrested depending on where he or she lived. Ask most Caribbean folks who got a good lashing if it did them any good and perchance nine out of ten would say yes. I’m not an advocate for beating children senselessly but, I do believe every now and then that behind may need a lash or two.

Interestingly enough though, what I hear mostly from adults who grew up in the Caribbean or who had Caribbean parentage growing up outside the region, it is not so much the lash that harmed them, because family gatherings and parties can serve up the best lash stories ever told. It’s usually the verbal and emotional abuse they remember -- which ties to the old adage “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can’t do me no harm”, we can certainly see that’s not true.

In that era our grandparents and parents had no inkling of the damage they were doing. With fear and ignorance they tried to steer paths and courses they themselves were unprepared to direct. From time to time we try to guide and lead with a fear base compass as a replacement for wisdom. Our intentions are basically good, in the sense -- that if we share what can happen to our children especially, in a forceful and cruel way subsequently our children will heed to our instructions and not do the act. For the most part children have a tendency to do the opposite of what we tell them to do -- if not for the sake of curiosity then, surely out of defiance which is part of growing up.

I strongly believe children should respect adults and anyone in authority. How we go about implementing such rules can be the uplifting or the downfall of our children. If we could recognize that what we say to our children and how we say it to them is equally important then maybe we can make a larger dent in building their self-esteem so they’re stronger adults with less emotional baggage to drudge through life. A lot of us can let go of the harsh words spoken over our lives and to our spirits, then there are a number of us who will struggle daily well into retirement age and several who may never get over those feelings until they die. There’s just no telling who will be hurt the most until he or she becomes an adult.

Education/awareness on parenting skills is available nowadays, particularly, to young mothers in the Caribbean. I applaud all those who see the necessity in teaching the younger generation that the how to is as important as the what to in raising children. There’s much value in our Caribbean heritage and upbringing even with the loudest lashes and the harshest words. We overcome, we teach, we pass on, so the next generation can do better. Our culture is not the only one who advocates spanking our children. While the majority of the US is against it, there are many African-Americans who believe as we do, use the rod -- possibly the residual effects of slavery.

I’m fortunate that my grandmother spoke Godly words to me and I know not everyone has that opportunity. As a result, with a bit of insight, I hope we can all learn that we do not have to lose our values to correct a problem. That disciplinary action is not a one dimensional view -- it is many. It doesn’t have to be sticks, bricks and licks or belts that welts. Nor does it have to be putdowns, insults, and insensitivity. We can still hold our children to an accountability of love, respect, kindness, compassion, education and Godliness. We can focus on the kind of adults we look forward to seeing them become by embracing the process of sparing the tongue lashes and valuing the child.